you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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