I bet he comes in French.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sober January is a disaster.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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