I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
