No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
