was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My balls are so social today.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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