Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
