Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
