How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
