Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
