I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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