farters have to be the big spoon...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize