Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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