Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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