around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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