my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
only you would photoshop your dick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
