You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
