Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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