: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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