you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
