And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
