I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
