we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
