her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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