you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
