He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
