His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
