Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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