Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize