She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
