they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
