my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
