Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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