someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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