she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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