the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
