She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
