so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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