No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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