well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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