I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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