You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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