She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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