i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
