Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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