I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
