I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
