I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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