there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
