i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
