The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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