So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize