You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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