What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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