that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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