Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
