When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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