I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
