you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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