what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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