i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
