is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
