Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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