You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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