wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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