is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
