I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
