Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
