I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
