I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
