I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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