Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
