My room smells like vodka and shame
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
