If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
