my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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