I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
