yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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