WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
