i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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