i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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