Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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