and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
