You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
