I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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