I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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