I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize