Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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