mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
